I feel the need to apologise to you—but really mostly to myself—for neglecting this blog for a couple of months. I have denied myself the pleasures of writing and sharing wonderful experiences and peculiar thoughts. I could say I was busy with work, which is rather demanding. But it could also be that writing had not been my priority. Indeed, my priorities had shifted.
Before graduating from university, I was quite adamant on avoiding the usual 9-5 job. I wasn’t blind to reality either and so I knew that perhaps such a job is inevitable for me. This is because I have been brought up in a system that leads a person towards that kind of situation. You go to school, you’re taught certain things and not others, the school produces quality products (students) that go on to further refinement (study), narrowing down the scope of skill (subject) to one or two, and then with that one or two field of knowledge, the individual is given a job that takes most of one’s time to produce something that only helps the economy.
I may be generalising too much but I’d say it’s the norm. That’s all the government or companies care about. They don’t care about one’s well-being. They don’t care about one’s health. If they did, they would’ve banned McDonald’s, KFC and the likes. They would’ve advocated for a plant-based diet. They don’t care about your mental health. If they did, they would allow employees to work at any time that they want as long as they meet the number of hours and the important meetings. We know that some people may be more nocturnal and some work best at dawn. And yet, we have been made to be like machines, not humans.
Being aware of this messed up or robotic system that’s been going on for centuries doesn’t make things any easier. It has just become a constant itch whenever I divert from my newly-adopted values. And indeed some of my actions have not been aligned with my values, sadly.
When I graduated, I thought that at least I could work in a company that allows flexible working hours. I wasn’t entrepreneurial enough to start a business nor was I smart enough to be a freelancer. And so I had little choice but to work for a company, which is actually not a bad thing per se. The key is to find a company that shares similar values to you and what you want to achieve. If you have no idea about either one of those, then you need some soul-searching to do, my friend.
Anyway, long story short, I found a company–Mindvalley–that creates online educational content pertaining to topics such as yoga, meditation and self-improvement. Sounds like my cup of tea! I applied and got interviewed at the HQ in Kuala Lumpur. However, I didn’t get through after the interview. Perhaps I’ll tell more about this experience on another post but basically, I didn’t feel the vibe that they seem to portray online and that perhaps I wasn’t enthusiastic or experienced enough.
Some weeks later, I found a company that deals with the environment and I applied, went for the interview and got offered a job as a trainee consultant. It’s strictly 9-6 (or longer) and I got given my own desk and chair. Sometimes, I would go on site visits, which would provide me with fresh air. But those visits are not frequent and only when needed. Otherwise, I would go to meet people in other buildings to get certain information from. That’s what basically a consultant does–80% at their desk writing reports and 10% meeting clients or going for site visits.
It’s not too bad actually. Considering it’s a small, private company I’d say it’s much more relaxed than a large, corporate company, I think. The office is about half an hour drive from home with traffic (15-20 minutes without). And the people are generally nice. Some would say I’m quite lucky to have secured a job here.
As work gets busier, the time for my “hobbies” or “other interests” gets reduced. I could no longer read for hours on end and I could not focus on blogging. Doing more work after work is nearly impossible, as I get sleepy by ten. Weekends are for spending time with family and friends or catching up on sleep/movies/TV shows etc. So, I hardly have any time for writing or even video editing. Ah, how I wish I was a vampire!
But then again, I still have the time to exercise, meet people, go out to eat, shopping, hiking and holidaying… so why can’t I make time for writing?
No motivation. No creative juice flowing. No inspiration. No mood.
Meaning, EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES!
I guess this is a signal to sit down for an hour or two and re-evaluate my priorities, my needs and my wants.
Sorry if there is not much point in this post but I suppose this is just an explanation for the lack of posts on this blog. I can’t promise a more regular posting schedule until I’ve got my shit together and really make this a priority and know exactly what I would like to write about. In any case, thanks for sticking by if you’ve been doing so. And if you’re new here, apologies for the rather sombre tone of this post but I can promise you a better topic next time and that I won’t stop writing!