Spirit Of Diyana.
Awe has been the response. “Wow!” = (bombastic) (pretentious) (high level) (weird)
Spirit. It’s something that we rarely talk about or acknowledge. Heck, some don’t believe in such mumbo-jumbo. It kinda has the same ring as Magic.
I believe we all have a Spirit. It’s what makes us who we truly are. Sure the brain might have got something to do with our character. But the Spirit is what differentiates between identical twins, for example. While it may seem that our Spirit has been set, I think it changes as we grow. It absorbs the things we see, hear, feel and experience and becomes a recipe of one’s essence.
That being said, the Spirit is not always basking in sunshine; it is sometimes clouded by darkness. Whilst I may portray myself as a happy-go-lucky, smile-a-lot person, I am not always so. It is easier to show the good or happy side of oneself rather than the other. Due to the circumstances of my life, it seems that I have no choice but to show the other side(s) too. Otherwise, I might explode.
Indeed, my Spirit is quite dark at the present. This is not unusual, as I have felt this before. At least, compared to before, I now know the symptom, cause and solution. However, I have yet to gather the recipes to resolve this situation. All in good time, I suppose. But for now, I just want to warn you that there may be more negative thoughts here. Do not worry though, I am not suicidal. I promise.
It is just that I need an outlet to get rid of these nasty thoughts and emotions, and to be sure that at least one person may read. That is until there is a person who would care enough to truly listen regularly so that I do not have to express it here.
Since I am physically fine, I think this is surely a mental health problem. What is it exactly I do not know. But it is something that has been coming and going for some years now. I will seek professional help if it is truly unbearable because really all I need is (real life) constant support and companion. It’s not that complicated.
In the meantime, I shall figure this out on my own as I usually do and perhaps expect a burst of creativity, as these times usually invoke.