So in the previous post, I kind of rambled on quite a bit about the muddled state of my mind. Since then, I have gathered my intestines and actually posted the rather unscripted, honest and out-of-focus video that took me a few attempts and hours of contemplating whether or not to actually post it.
Click here if you’d like to see it.
I realised recently that it’s always the case that I’d have to go through this whole range of emotion to do something different or new. I would go through the same cycle of excitement, then anxiety, doubt, frustration, more doubt, losing hope, borderline mental, and when I’ve reached my boiling point, I’d do some physical exercise and then meditate to let out all traces of negativity. Only then, when I am back to my neutral state, would I be able to make my final decision.
After meditation, I felt so content. My mind was cleared and the anxiety disappeared. I was able to think whether it is sensible or not to post the video, and I thought that I should just do it for the sake of getting it out there and see what happens. Besides, I really have got nothing to lose. And so, with high spirits and enough confidence, I just did it. Shia LaBeouf would be so pleased.
I could’ve just skipped all those pesky emotions and got straight to the exercise and meditation bit. But without those troublesome feelings, I wouldn’t have anything to ‘let out’. The point of meditation is to ground yourself from the craziness of everything in life. You can’t ground yourself if you weren’t going all over the place in the first place.
And what I’ve realised is that the negativity would always come back no matter what. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transferred. Because of circumstances or events occurring in life, we are bound to be in touch with different kinds of energy. Sometimes we are well and dandy, and other times we are down in the rut. And that is okay. That is normal.
Negativity becomes a problem because we allow it to become a problem. Rather than accept it as something profound that is actually an encouragement in disguise, most of us tend to classify negativity as a totally bad thing. We look down upon it. We forget to learn from it. And so that realisation made me look at situations in a different light. Instead of labelling an event as good or bad, I strive to accept it as it is—an event that will somehow help me grow.
So the next time those irritating feelings come and gnaw at my guts, I will let them do just that. I will embrace the sensation and I will try to comprehend their intentions. But I will certainly not let them stay there permanently when other more comforting feelings are knocking on the door.